I am reading The Help. It is a fantastic read that discusses the lives of three women in the deep South post segregation. Two of the women are African American who work for white women. The third woman is a white woman who isn't subscribing to the preconceived notions of race, class, and identity. I talk about my wonderful book club and the interesting women who are members, but I rarely mention the books. Since D and I broke up I am reading constantly. I don't know if I am doing that in response to the loneliness the occupies my bed now on the weekends and the evenings... or really what it is. I was always an avid reader but it seems like I am powering through books now. My book club is reading The Guinea Pig Diaries: My Life as an Experiment . Which I have definitely got a couple of laughs from.
My plan tonight is to curl up on the couch and read my wonderful book, and in between good reading I will catch Greys. Hey I got to have my trash.
I very recently had my heart ripped out of my body. I know everyone says that they have been there... this is nothing new. But it is new to me. And it has been horrific. So I am going to attempt to write often about how I am going to get back my happiness. Get me back. Because I found out recently you have to keep breathing, and that you don't die from this.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Ideas for my new home!
So my new home is a work in progress. There is a lot of potential to make it the home I want it to be. So I am getting it painted to begin with. I am thinking of a light creamy yellow in the bedrooms. A subtle colour, the offers some cheer to my days.
Here are some pics of the bedrooms that need to be painted. I think the windows offer a lot of potential for light. I imagine sitting on my beautiful bed in the morning, sipping my coffee and looking out the window.
In the living room I am picturing a lovely sectional couch and a comfy stuffed chair, perfect for reading books on a raining Sunday. I am going to get a very large bookshelf to house my many books. Ikea bookshelf white. I am picturing cozy but beautiful.
I am not sure what I am going to do with the dining room but I know for sure that I am going to be making a purchase from Ikea! Hemnes cabinet in white .
So here is a quick overview of some of my thoughts for my new home. Lots of projects left to do. I am very excited!
Here are some pics of the bedrooms that need to be painted. I think the windows offer a lot of potential for light. I imagine sitting on my beautiful bed in the morning, sipping my coffee and looking out the window.
The master bedroom |
The spare bedroom |
The Living room |
The dining room |
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Sick at home
I am home sick today. I struggled to get out of bed this morning, and managed to get to work till 12:45 but am now at home. So exhausted and feeling shitty. It just sucks when I am so excited about what is going on in my life and do not have the energy to do anything but lie on the couch and sleep.
Good news is that I am meeting my realtor tonight to meet a painter at my new condo to get an estimate! I am so excited that things seem to be coming together. The home inspector is booked. It seems like everything that has happened this year has accumulated in this big change at the end of the year. It almost seems fitting that this happened at this time. It also feels very strange that I am creating a new life and D doesn't know a thing about it. Part of me just wants to call him to share my news. I realize that would not be the best idea, but somehow even after almost eight months apart I still want to talk to him. I hope that ends soon.
Good news is that I am meeting my realtor tonight to meet a painter at my new condo to get an estimate! I am so excited that things seem to be coming together. The home inspector is booked. It seems like everything that has happened this year has accumulated in this big change at the end of the year. It almost seems fitting that this happened at this time. It also feels very strange that I am creating a new life and D doesn't know a thing about it. Part of me just wants to call him to share my news. I realize that would not be the best idea, but somehow even after almost eight months apart I still want to talk to him. I hope that ends soon.
Monday, September 27, 2010
I love Fall
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Back home in Vernon, Kalamalka Lake |
I love fall. I know this seems strange but I think I associate the seasons with new beginnings. Even more so than spring. I think it might have something to do with spending a huge majority of my life in school, and how every September equaled a new chance. I love the light in the fall. The golden colour that seems to radiate from every thing. It is so beautiful. The orange, red and brown colours. That crisp feeling in the air. I love fall.
I think it is very fitting that it is in the fall that I bought my first condo. My first home that is all my own! I am very excited for this next step. It feels strange that I have committed to something so huge. At the same time I love the idea that I will have a place to call all my own! To paint, and decorate how I want to. I have to say that I wasn't sure that I wanted to take this on as a single woman, but I have found the courage to take the leap. And what is that saying? Life doesn't happen, you make it happen. Or something like that. So I am making it happen. One giant leap at a time.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Perfect travel moment
I am back. It has been long since I have written. I have so many thoughts to share since I last wrote but it is late and I have new hours at work (a more convenient 8-430) so there will be more later. I just wanted to share this little anecdote about my trip. The essential traveling moment. I was in the neighborhood that my hotel was in, just in the Latin Quarter on the border of the 15th district. The square held four cafe/restaurants and anyway that you walked you would come across shops, bakeries, chocolates, patisseries..... you name it this area has it. Anyways my story begins on one afternoon, after leaving my Mom at the hotel to change I ventured out to get us the makings of a picnic. As I was walking up the sidewalk I saw several bakeries, and something that resembled a deli, but I was a little timid to try my french. Then I saw it. A store made only of cheese. It was perfect. The perfect shop. In it was an older man, at least in his late eighties and the owner of the shop, a middle aged man with a friendly face. After venturing in the store and listening to these men banter about the selection of cheeses in what I can only guess is refined Parisian french, they turned to me. After a moment or two of struggling with the language I discover the older man fought in the war and speaks a little English. Between my brutal french and his hesitant fifty year old English, we decide that I need to try many of the French cheeses. Before I know it they are bringing out cheeses and cutting me chunks. Slicing thin strips of the side. It was seriously my heaven. I have never seen anything like this before. After sampling and hanging out with these men for a bit I leave the shop with my cheese. Off to have the perfect picnic.
My Parisian Trip!
So I have really dropped the ball on my Parisian trip. I thought that posting some pics of the trip might suffice along with some quick words about my lovely trip. YUMMY FOOD, FANTASTIC WINE, BEAUTIFUL SURROUNDINGS!
One of my favorite pictures with the Eiffel tower poking through in the background.
Just as the sun was setting we made our way over to Notre Dame, where a crowd had gathered to watch the street performs. The light was fantastic with everything turned golden.
The torte was the highlight of one of our picnics. After picking up several cheeses, a lovely baguette, some grapes and a bottle of wine life was perfect!
Seriously delicious dinner. Melt in your mouth. Somewhere in the Latin quarter behind Notre Dame. Started with mussels in white wine, then boeuf bourguignon, and topped off with delightful chocolate mousse. I loved the food in Paris. So rich and decadent.
After an action packed day of sight seeing Mom and I headed to the Eiffel tower... absolutely spectacular. Even though I was beyond terrified of the heights on top, I can still appreciate the beauty of it.
I loved walking through the gardens of Versailles. It was an absolutely gorgeous day and we wondered around in the sun; sitting down by the lake and enjoying an ice cream was a definite highlight.
So that is a succinct over view of my beautiful trip!
In Notre Dame |
Behind Notre Dame in the gardens |
Gardens behind Notre Dame |
Speaks for its self |
View from Ponte Neuf |
Notre Dame |
Creme Carmel |
Quiche from the bakery down the street. |
Delectable raspberry torte |
The torte was the highlight of one of our picnics. After picking up several cheeses, a lovely baguette, some grapes and a bottle of wine life was perfect!
Cafe |
Boeuf bourguignon |
Seriously delicious dinner. Melt in your mouth. Somewhere in the Latin quarter behind Notre Dame. Started with mussels in white wine, then boeuf bourguignon, and topped off with delightful chocolate mousse. I loved the food in Paris. So rich and decadent.
You know it. Classic Eiffel tower pic |
After an action packed day of sight seeing Mom and I headed to the Eiffel tower... absolutely spectacular. Even though I was beyond terrified of the heights on top, I can still appreciate the beauty of it.
Dinner in the Latin quarter |
One of the beautiful fountains at Versailles |
I loved walking through the gardens of Versailles. It was an absolutely gorgeous day and we wondered around in the sun; sitting down by the lake and enjoying an ice cream was a definite highlight.
In the gardens of Versailles |
The beautiful Palace of Versailles |
Friday, September 24, 2010
The year of Change
My fucking computer had been on the fritz. Unfortunately. But I finally have had a moment between the new job, having two twin one year old living with me, buying a new condo, talking to my Dad every night on the phone..... running around to dinner parties, yoga, meeting my real estate agent, and being eternally frustrated with my room mate and her take over of my life. It has been insane. I haven't had a minute to myself. Or at least that is what I feel like. I think if my offer is accepted I will be moving relatively soon. I love living in my place right now. It has everything I think I want but at the same time I am nervous. The year of changes. I lost the love of my life this year. I lost my chance at having his baby and maybe having a baby period. I changed jobs. I changed room mates. I have not had a lot of consistency. The question is do I really need consistency? Maybe all these changes are getting me to the life I dream of. The family with the husband and kids and the dog and the daily happiness. That is what I really want but as I continue to grow this year I wonder if my path is getting further away from those things I want. I have become less and less interested in dating as the year has gone by. I loved D so much and I just feel like I haven't had the closure I really needed to move on from that relationship. So what am I going to do? I kind of want to call him and wish that there was an answer.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Still afraid
When I was in Vernon I ran into D's brother. I was in the store that he works in with my Dad, and my heart literally stopped after I saw him. I am still shocked that this is how things turned out. I really want to have a conversation with D, but I am afraid. I am afraid of being hurt by him. I am afraid of not finding him. I am afraid of still being in love with him. I think I almost at the point where I am ready to do something about it. The question is, am I ready?
I am determined to write about Paris.... but am super tired tonight. Will have more time tomorrow.
I am determined to write about Paris.... but am super tired tonight. Will have more time tomorrow.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
A Parisian glimpse
I am back. It has been long since I have written. I have so many thoughts to share since I last wrote but it is late and I have new hours at work (a more convenient 8-430) so there will be more later. I just wanted to share this little anecdote about my trip. The essential travelling moment. I was in the neighbourhood that my hotel was in, just in the Latin Quarter on the border of the 15th district. The square held four cafe/restaurants and anyway that you walked you would come across shops, bakeries, chocolates, patisseries..... you name it this area has it. Anyways my story begins on one afternoon, after leaving my Mom at the hotel to change I ventured out to get us the makings of a picnic. As I was walking up the sidewalk I saw several bakeries, and something that resembled a deli, but I was a little timid to try my french. Then I saw it. A store made only of cheese. It was perfect. The perfect shop. In it was an older man, at least in his late eighties and the owner of the shop, a middle aged man with a friendly face. After venturing to communicate in a mixture of my brutal French and his fifty year old English, we decide that I need to try many of the French cheeses. Before I know it they are bringing out cheeses and cutting me chunks. Slicing thin strips of the side. It was seriously my heaven. I finally left the shop after much sampling with three delightful packages tucked away. A rich brie, which turned out to be our least favorite, a soft goats milk, and a savoury sharp cheddar. This inspired me to keep trekking and by the end of the walk I had a bottle of red wine for me, a Bordeaux; a white bottle, a Chardonnay for Mom; a baguette of the "house bread" and a bunch of delicious grapes. A picturesque European picnic. The perfect Parisian memory.
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