You have come a long way baby.............

This may have been the longest year of my life. There were moments when I thought when I thought I wasn't going to make it. Then there were many more moments of the year when I was surprised at how strong I am. I didn't call him once, which is really a feat in itself. There was a time when I couldn't imagine not talking or hearing from him for one day and now it has been ten months and I am still going strong. I am also finally facing the concept of a lifetime without him. Of never speaking to him again. Yes it breaks my heart, but I never want to go back to the person who could barely function. In this year I have managed to stay away from the anxiety, I do not have to live beside my phone. I can make plans and not stress that he will not have called on time, and somehow I will not be able to function in front of people. I do not have to avoid my friends and family because I am worried that they will see how miserable I am. I am living in the present, not living for when will be the next time we talk. That was exhausting.
This year I managed to buy a  condo. I did it all by myself. I pulled myself together, applied for new jobs, and got one. I went out and made some really great friends. I did it. I went to work, I healed, I took classes, and I loved myself a little bit more. So I am giving myself a well deserved pat on the back. I have come a long way baby.
Let's see where the next year leads.............

Peace in Tofino

I just had the most wonderful, relaxing weekend in Tofino. A group of us rented a cabin on the beach, and brought lots of wine, and yummy food which made for an absolutely relaxing weekend. With long walks on the beach, and tons of fresh air I finally got a great sleep.
On the last day of Tofino, it was so sunny and warm. We hiked down to the rocky shore on the coast of Ucluelet. The waves crash down the coast, with a might force. It is unlike anything you get to see in Victoria. Sitting on the rocks, warming in the sun and watching the awesome power of the ocean it gave me a little perspective. It was the first time that the sadness was not able to creep in and overwhelm me. Even thinking about D I was able to keep positive, and focus on the good things in life. I wanted to put that feeling in a bag and carry it with me over the holidays. Remember how strong I was feeling and how at peace I was with the world. I know I have been fearing the holidays and all that it holds, but i feel like I need to focus on the peace it is possible to feel. I am going to focus on family, friends, good food and enjoying my time at home. So Merry Christmas!!!!

Yummy Dinners, Great Company and lots of Wine!

This winter I have been making some yummy dinners for my friends and me! One of the highlights was our turkey dinner. I roasted a delicious, moist turkey. It started off with lots of research, scouring Bon Appetite in search of the perfect Thanksgiving recipes. I did my first salted turkey, where I mixed fresh herbs with tons of salt and orange rinds. Rubbing the turkey all over it is meant to lock in the moisture. I put it in the fridge overnight. The next morning I took the turkey out and made a butter rub for it. The butter was filled with orange rind, and yummy basil. The butter went under the skin and I stuffed the cavity with oranges and onions. I have to say it turned out DELICIOUS!

Although the best thing about all the cooking was the dinner with great friends. A night of great company, lots of wine and yummy food. This is the life I want, filled with love and people and good food. One little building block at a time.

Ladysmith Light up!

Life has been busy since I started the Calling in the One project and I have to be honest there is nothing new to report. I was sidetracked because on Thursday night the girls and I went up to Ladysmith to check out the Light up Festival. It was incredibly beautiful! I was blown away by the amount of people that show up for this event. We had to take a shuttle from down by the water into the town, and parking was a disaster. But once we were there it was perfect. The lights shimmered in the twilight. There was yummy smells of popcorn wafting up, and everyone had hot chocolate or apple cider to warm them up. It was a wonderful evening. I started out the evening with trepidation. I had decided to do as many happy holiday things as I could, so that I would be able to enjoy this season even if I am missing the one person who made this holiday everything it could be. I thought I would spend the majority of the time in Ladysmith aching with loneliness. Instead I was truly distracted. I enjoyed the sights and sounds, the company, the mood so much that I only had tiny pin pricks of memories float to the surface, and honestly I believe that driving the Malhat brought up the most of the pain. So although I recognize that parts of this is going to be difficult, I know I can do this. I am going to enjoy the holidays. I love this time of year and screw him because I am not going to let my heartache bring me down!