This may have been the longest year of my life. There were moments when I thought when I thought I wasn't going to make it. Then there were many more moments of the year when I was surprised at how strong I am. I didn't call him once, which is really a feat in itself. There was a time when I couldn't imagine not talking or hearing from him for one day and now it has been ten months and I am still going strong. I am also finally facing the concept of a lifetime without him. Of never speaking to him again. Yes it breaks my heart, but I never want to go back to the person who could barely function. In this year I have managed to stay away from the anxiety, I do not have to live beside my phone. I can make plans and not stress that he will not have called on time, and somehow I will not be able to function in front of people. I do not have to avoid my friends and family because I am worried that they will see how miserable I am. I am living in the present, not living for when will be the next time we talk. That was exhausting.
This year I managed to buy a condo. I did it all by myself. I pulled myself together, applied for new jobs, and got one. I went out and made some really great friends. I did it. I went to work, I healed, I took classes, and I loved myself a little bit more. So I am giving myself a well deserved pat on the back. I have come a long way baby.
Let's see where the next year leads.............
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