2011 here I come!

2010 may have been the longest year of my life. There were times when I was really truly surprised that I got out of bed. There were moments of calm, where the waves the churn my anxiety and fears to the surface were absolutely still. There were moments when the life changing decisions I made were so empowering, and there were times when I thought I must be mad. I cooked (lots of Indian), I joined a book club and made new friends, and I really connected with the ones I had. Friday night dinners became something I really looked forward to. I kissed new people. I hated it. I moved. I actually bought my own condo. I took a trip to Paris. With my mother and it was wonderful. I sat on the rocks in Tofino and let the sun beat down on me, and I felt peaceful. I survived Christmas and New Years without him. I didn't call him once. I have been brave. I have grown. I have been to the bottom and I survived. I actually came out better than I would have ever suspected.

So with all that being said, I know now there are things that I want for the 2011. I want to keep growing. 2010 was the most growth I may have ever had in one year, but I do not want to become stagnant. On New Year's Eve on three little pieces of paper I wrote the things I didn't want to take into 2011. I wrote "loneliness", "low self esteem" and "wanting D in my life". I think these are three huge goals that will not happen over night.

What am I going to do to get to the results that I want? Well the first thing is I joined a group that is focusing on healthy living. Every day I get points for drinking enough water (3 L - which to say the least is causing me to pee every 10 minutes), sleeping enough, eating well, not drinking, flossing, etc. It has been a great way to focus on living well. Which is really going to help me improve my self esteem. I think if I live well, I might start to lose weight, and feel more confident about how I look. Essentially this is all cyclical. All of these interconnected things that make me who I am. So I am working on the building blocks.
I am going to focus on being present in the moment. Like enjoying perfect sunsets from my balcony apartment. I am going to take a trip this year where I get to sleep in, eat good foods and go for long walks on the beach. I want to float in Kal Lake and feel weightless on a hot Okanagan summer day. I am going to keep going to counselling, and work towards moving on from D. I am finally going to send that letter. I am going to let go of him. I am going to finish Calling in the One. And I am going to start dating... sometime this year. I am going to revel in my work crush, because it makes me feel alive. I am going to work hard and apply for a new job before the year is out. I am going to look for the perfect pillows for my living room, and really make this a home. I am going to hang out with my wonderful friends and party in Vegas. I want to lose weight. And have beautiful hair. I want to learn how to cook Thai. I am going to throw myself a beautiful birthday party. I am going to kick lonlieness' ass. I am going to work on being whole again.