Second time is a charm

Many things to learn still I guess....
It has been a long two weeks. It always surprises me that when I think that I am going forward I take a step back. It seems like maybe I am going in two different directions, one is pulling me backwards and the other way is running towards something better. I am confused again.
Switching gears hear... I went on a date last night to Stages. It was really fun. The conversation flowed, minimal pauses, very cute boy. I enjoyed it. I even agreed to go on another date next week. Unfortunately, he kissed me at the night. Now the unfortunate part was he was the WORST kisser I have ever experienced. It was all tongue shoved down my throat. I wanted to gag. So I meet a guy who I can talk to, someone I want to hang out with and what happens? I am not attracted to him.
And the one crush I have had in a long time is someone who is totally inappropriate. I should be running away as fast as I can. And I am in a way. I just can't help but wonder, what is wrong with me? Where is the nice man, who I like? Can I have it all?

ONE YEAR

Tomorrow it will have been a year. I made it a whole year. I am struggling against a cold. I am exhausted. I am happy most of the time. I have new friends. New men. New mistakes. I think the hardest thing is that I might be finally getting over it and letting go. I know that sounds strange but I feel like if I let go of D all that we went through, all that love that I felt will be gone too. It just makes my heart ache. But I remember what I felt like a year ago. I couldn't even be left alone with my own thoughts. I would cry for hours, wake up screaming. He broke my heart and it hurt so much. I felt like I couldn't breath and I wouldn't make it a day, not to mention a year. So a kudos to me.
Now to be perfectly honest, I am not sure how I am going to deal with tomorrow. So my plan is to meet up with a friend after work. Drink my face off and smoke until I can't talk. Then I am going to find the cutest I can and kiss him. I am going to dance. I am going to sit on a beach and watch the sun go down. I am so much stronger than I ever was before.