Birthday time

I went for a walk today along the Gorge walkway. It was a beautiful, crisp day. The sun was shining and the water was calm. You could see the ripples behind the swans as they cut from one bank to the other, crossing the narrow waterway. I went with my godsons and their mom and we pushed the stroller and chatted about what is going on in each others' lives. My birthday is coming up in the next couple of weeks and I am seriously debating what to do. I took the day off, and booked myself a massage for the morning. I figured the day would be filled with pampering and friends. My girlfriend Susan and I are going to go for a manicure and lunch, which I think will be great. I am thinking of topping the night off with a dinner party with my close friends. I just don't want it to be like every other night. I keep thinking that I might want to go out dancing. I just want it to be ok that I am twenty-eight. That I am finally on the right track. It is just scary to approaching thirty and not be married. Not be any closer to having children. I am actually further away than I was a year ago, considering that last year at this time I was pregnant. I know many pieces have been repaired. I just imagined a year would bring me closer to the life I want to lead... yes I know I am closer in many ways. It just feels like I am also going to be the single girl forever. OK, enough pessimism.