I turned it on this morning (my phone that is), and he hasn't called. I realize that is probably a good thing but it hurts. Like a huge searing pain ripping through my insides. I find this strange though; he hasn't deleted me from his messenger contacts. Why hasn't he done that? I know you are thinking why haven't I deleted him? Well the answer is so far I do not have the heart to tell myself I am never going to speak to him again. So I just leave it and secretly hope that he will at least text me an apology. BUT then am I only worth a texted apology? Where did I put my self worth? For god sakes I must be somewhat insane to keep putting myself in these painful positions. Everyone around me keeps saying that there is something better for me. But isn't that what people tell people when they are hurting?
I stayed somewhat busy last night and even managed to go out to a pub, sans drinking, with my friends last night. It was an excellent distraction and I felt somewhat normal. However fleeting the moments of normality are they are becoming more frequent.
Today one of my best friends is supposed to come in from Vancouver to spend the day with me... circumstances allowing. I would love it if I could see her. She is one of the strongest human beings I have ever met. Someone that I could learn from. I am going to spend the day with her if possible or one of my girls. DISTRACTION again. Then off to a Mexican fiesta at another friend's house.
My goal for the day laugh a little. Cry a little less. Think of him even less. Remember he isn't thinking of me! Wow even writing that hurt. Oh well truth hurts.
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