A Man Aid

Tales of a lonely single gal in the city....
So I went out last night, hair newly cut, brand new dress, and dirty vodka martini in hand. I went out on the prowl and I came home drunk as a skunk and what I have learnt from this little adventure is that no amount of men, alcohol or pretending is going to make D come back. Not that I should want him to, but part of me does. I miss him. How easy it was. How I never felt I was alone because even when I was alone all I had to do was dig out my cellphone, check my texts or glance at my BBM and I knew he was there. I didn't have to worry whether or not a single man in the room would fine me attractive because I didn't care. I was out there last night without that armour. The first time I have done that so far. I know I have been out there before last night, but I was always protected by the serious damage of his recent leaving. Two months have gone by since then though and so I set out last night with a bit of a mission. Although I did go home alone, I didn't go home feeling like the ugliest girl in the bar. Actually I had a very cute boy who I had been eyeing all night buy me a drink. The unfortunate thing is that I don't know if bitter me is very fun to be around right now. I do not believe to such an extent that I would ever have been able to really show him me. What if he didn't like it? Or what if he faked it for like five years and then left me?
OK I can taste the bitterness. This is really an unattractive side of me. The point is I do not think I am ready to be back out there. The heart of the matter is that a man band aid is not going to make this better.