"Youth is wasted on the young"

I am at home for the weekend and it has been hard. I thought that coming home would be rejuvenating and so far I feel tired, I have cried more, and I have been dreaming non stop about him. I woke up with a feeling of absolute loneliness this morning. I had been dreaming of him and it felt so real and I woke up and I was alone in bed, and we are never talking again. It was almost enough to make me pick up the phone and call him. I came home looking for a break and found out that this time it is not possible. Some moments have been great, and I don't think about him at all and then sometimes its all I think about.
I was speaking with my Uncle last night and he quoted Wilde, I think, "youth is wasted on the young". How true. Even now I can see the mistakes made and the lessons I should have learned and didn't. The huge lesson in front of me now. The way hindsight is 20/20. He kept saying that I have another chance and how lucky I am for that opportunity. I do not have children. I am not physically harmed. I am walking away from this with the ability to recover. A chance. Its interesting that I have had such a hard time grasping this chance, because so far I feel inundated with baggage. Walking around with a gaping wound makes me feel vulnerable and like easy prey. I worry about my recovery time, and how I do not want to be old before I understand. My wasted youth, not truly understanding what has happened and how I got to where I am.