The art of casual sex

I have made a plan to meet up with a guy that I have casually hung out with a couple of times to have sex. This is new for me. I do not feel ready for attachment or a relationship, but damn a girl needs to get laid. So I am going to attempt something completely new. Casual sex. Casual sex that does not make me think of D the whole time I have it. I haven't had sex without feelings for years. I do not remember what it is really like. It makes my heart ache with need for him again. I want him back him so much it I can feel the surge in my heart and that empty dull feeling is beginning to fill it again. I want to be strong enough to move on, to know that D and I are completely done but part of me hopes that isn't true. That there is still hope for us. So I am left wondering if I am ready to have that casual fun that is now offered to girls in my generation. Women no longer have to go out with men to have sex with them. If I want to have sex I can just have sex. The confusing part is I am not even sure if this is what I want. I know I want to feel a man on top of me. I want to be this strong woman who is moving on and doesn't want to be with a cruel man. But the truth is I want D on top of me. I want to know that he is sorry and that he did love me. Maybe that he still loves me. It absolutely burns through me that it feels like I am settling when I said yes to sex with someone else. In my heart I know that it shouldn't feel like settling at all.