I am reading a book called "How to be happy dammit. A cynic's guide to spiritual happiness". My favourite lesson so far is #5 Judge a tree by its fruits. Ditto for people. I did not do that. I did not think that D was capable of treating me like he treated his wife. I did not think and I certainly did not see.
I have been doing everything I can think of to recover from this. From taking classes, to volunteering, to reading empowering books, to talking on the phone, to redecorating. Nothing has taken away from the fact that I have to face tomorrow. Its his birthday tomorrow. I used to make such a big deal out of his birthday. I love birthdays. It feels weird to have this information and to totally ignore him on his big day. It feels spiteful. I am just not ready to call or to text. I can not handle what could happen to me and until I am in complete control of what happens to me I am not going to do it. I may never be able to control how he reacts but I can certainly control how I am going to react. Right now I am not sure I have that ability. So I continue with my wall of silence but still think of him all the time. He must know that.
"You can always tell who someone is by the circumstances they grow".
http://www.amazon.ca/How-Happy-Dammit-Spiritual-Happiness/dp/1587611198/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1273037703&sr=8-1
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