— Maya Angelou
I want this to be true. I am going to work for as long as I can as hard as I can until it is true. I was beaten down today. I have been crying more often and more easily. Maybe I have yet to actually hit the bottom of the barrel or really finish grieving this whole thing. Maybe I haven't really even started. The one thing I know is I am not going to let this be the end of me. This is not going to be the thing that kills me. I cried for the baby I am never going to have today. I cried my heart out. I know what that means now. To literally cry all the emotion out of your heart, to pour everything I have into those little tears and still seem to have an endless well beneath it. Always more where that came from. I know people say I made the right decision. What else are they going to say really? No one can change it. I can't change it. He can't change it. Even if there is a God, He isn't changing it. So really it will do no good to admit I made a mistake. I just have to keep going forward.
I want to learn this. I am going to spend some time committing the meaning of this to my life. I do not want to come out of this as a person I can tolerate. I want to come out of this a person that I love. Today I am searching for a little inspiration and found it in Ms. Angelou. I can run around, working hard, chatting with friends, talking on the phone and in general running away from this overwhelming sense of grief that I am feeling or I can face it. I even offered to help my friend move furniture tonight. So clearly facing it has been difficult. It is these moments alone when I am stuck in my head that I miss him. I think of the baby. I think of the betrayal. I think of the lies. I think of the love. So I guess I am going to feel this. I can't run away. Ain't no place that far.
"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does
go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
— Maya Angelou
go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
— Maya Angelou
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