I bought a blue dress with polka dots today. It was the perfect dress. The perfect "I wish you would bump into me because I look happy and pretty" dress. You have to fake it to make it, right. Well I am really faking it. I went to my counsellor tonight and she said I am doing really well under the circumstances. I feel like I am just going through the motions though. The dress will not make it better but I will look better in the dress. If I look better I might eventually feel how I look? Is this the theory behind all this madness.
One moment I feel like it is never going to be OK again and then some moments I feel like how could I have ever loved him. He was undeserving of all the love I gave him. Somehow I still feel like I would give it to him again. I just wouldn't give me up again. Somehow this is going to be my lesson. I am going to learn something from this and never give me up again for a man. I miss him but I have to say I missed me too.
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