It turns out you can go home. You also can not run away from trouble, there isn't a place that far. Turns out cliches become cliches for a reason. I am back in Victoria, actually writing this from my couch. I only cried for about ten minutes. It turns out he left little reminders of himself all over my apartment. But he doesn't get to control this moment. I am going to own it. I can do this. Even though I am feeling anything but the confidence that it takes to write this I am going to say it over and over again until it is true. He will not break me. On our drive home from Vernon today my friend said to me "its not what kills you that makes you stronger, its what doesn't break you that makes you stronger." He is not going to break me! Wow I sound way stronger than I feel. But you got to fake it to make it....
I have to say I am feeling pretty rough today. Last night was fantastic. I haven't had fun in at least two weeks, and didn't know if it would be possible. Turns out I am a rock star. The girls and I went out for an amazing night. What does someone do without girlfriends? I know that I have mentioned this recently but I honestly do not know how people do without them. The party was hysterical. The drinks were outrageous. The conversation was spectacular. I danced like it was my last night on Earth. There is something about dancing in a circle of people who love you, and just working it. I can only hope that all you woman out there get to have that kind of night with your girls. It revitalizes you, reminds you that life is manageable, they are my family and I love them.
Well we were out I have to say we met some men. Here is what is interesting, men still find me attractive. I was on the dance floor with my beautiful girls and a guy picked me out of the crowd. They assure me he was hitting on me, which I am still in doubt about because if you saw my friends you would understand what it means to be surround by beautiful women! But he was persistent, grabbing my hand to dance with me, dragging me on stage, chatting me up. So if I can get over my lack of self confidence I can say that it made me feel better to have a man hit on me. The additional boost to my confidence was the second guy who tried to pick me up. Although while I was sitting there talking to him I had flashes of fear of having to get to know someone again. That whole D knew everything about me and didn't love me fear. I actually mentioned my devastating break up and instead of shying away from it he spent the next half hour telling me how beautiful I am. That my giggle is sexy, the way I tuck my hair behind my ear is alluring, my smile is so friendly. It was almost embarrassing except I desperately needed to hear this. The thing that resonated most with me was when he told me that if I was sitting next to a supermodel more men would want to be with me than with her. Now I know this is bullshit. BUT I loved that he said it. He even asked to kiss my check and ended up sending shivers down my body when he kissed my neck. Although I am absolutely not ready to have my neck kissed by anyone I am grateful that I met such a sweet man.
This all brings me to now. This moment on the couch. I am here and I am fighting back. I know this was a long one. I guess a lot happened in a short period of time. Ha ha. Sort of like my life as of late. I just wanted to let it be known I am really not going to give up.
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