The last flame.....

Guard hope like you would guard the last flame.

I love this. I feel like that has been my mission lately, to not give up and drown in the utter despair I feel. I want to be a woman who still believes in first kisses, and love, and romance and men. I just find that believing, really believing is so much harder than I ever thought possible. I hate that when he left he took that piece of me with him, the piece of me that loved. I hope that this is just part of the plan for me. That there is a master plan for me and that I am going to end up with more happiness than I thought possible. So there you have it, hope still exists and I am clinging to it like a drowning rat. I think that if you lose the ability to have hope the pain becomes intolerable. Just a guess... because really no matter what he has done to me and I have done to me, I still have maintained my ability to hope. For love, for friendship, for healing, for a moment of silence from my thoughts, for sleep, for whatever the fuck it is I need to get through the day. I wake up and I hope that today will be the day I feel better. That I don't second guess my choice about the baby. That I don't miss him. That I don't ache. So yes, I am guarding it with my life.