Revenge Kissing

I have seriously contemplated what it would mean to just give up at this point. To throw in the towel and say FUCK YOU WORLD. I give up. But somehow I have not. I miss him. I do not understand how he could do this to me or that he is actually never going to call me again. This seems beyond cruel, and I do not think I would recognize this person if he were described to me blindly.
I have kissed two different men in a matter of 24 hours and I have to say I never want to do that again. The first man doesn't deserve to be my rebound. He is probably a very nice person who genuinely finds me interesting and is attracted to me and all I can think of when he is talking is how much I wish he was D. The second guy is an idiot and a waste of my time. Sounds harsh but I am supposed to be asking myself is this a decision that a woman who loves herself would make, and the answer is NO. I thought that the male attention would somehow make this bearable but so far all I feel is empty. I cry more after their kisses than I do during any other part of my day. The truth is no amount of new men, kissing, new dresses, walking to work, classes or book clubs is going to make this anything other than D left me in the cruelest way imaginable. I loved him. And this hurts. Tonight it hurts so badly I do not know how I am still breathing. I just realized how depressing a post this is, and I must remember that I have had some very bright moments in this long road. But the truth is painful tonight and I can't make him come back. Even if I could make him come back I know I shouldn't. So I sit in my empty bed and try not to think of him and the way he kissed me. Those perfect kisses.
Tomorrow I meet with my real estate agent and I am doing something for me! I am going to buy a home if I can find one in my price range, that I like. If you are out there D, I don't need you. See I am not broken.