Let there be sleep

I haven't been sleeping well. Before this all happened I wasn't always sleeping well either because I had to make sure I didn't wake up too early because then I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. The anxiety would eat at me as I waited to hear from him, to know that he had come back. I have to say that I do not miss that feeling. It is not like I miss the anxiety it is just that I miss our mornings together and the anxiety equalled his return in my mind. Essentially I know that he will not be calling so the mornings have become the hardest part of my day. That and falling asleep in his arms. I just had the best sleeps beside him. We always slept so well together, from the very first night he was such a cuddlier. When he was living in Nanaimo we used to sleep on a single foamy on the floor, pressed together all night and I swear those were the best sleeps of my life. I miss sleeping with him. There is something about waking up next to the person you feel like you are supposed to be with, and feeling safe and secure and actually above all well rested. I haven't had that feeling in over a month. Even saying that makes me want to cry because I know I will never get to wake up to his kiss on my shoulder again. Part of me is screaming PLEASE COME BACK and part of me is screaming RUN AWAY. The sad part is I have no idea which team is winning.