First day home

I survived. I not only survived today but I completely managed. I woke up this morning in my bedroom and realized that I have to keep going or I won't make it. I can't stop moving ahead or it will get way harder. He haunts me here. There are so many notes, diaries, flowers, little gifts.... but somehow I am going to do it. I think I am going to go and get a box and throw it all together. I don't know if I am ready to throw it away but it will be good to get it out of my space. I suppose it would be healthier to throw it all away but then there is a sick part of me that is not ready to throw away it away. WHY? I hope that it isn't because some part of me is clinging to the possibility of him. I hope it is just me getting used to the idea of no him ever again. Side note - writing that hurt.
Today I did things. I spent the day with my friends and their babies. It was distracting and helpful. We went and got new sheets for my bed and although they make my room look different I like it. They have no association with him. I also went and got a new alarm clock. I spent so many years waking up to his texts, or his calls and I don't want to wake up wanting that anymore. I want to wake up to the radio and new thoughts. Hopeful thoughts. I figured an alarm clock was a good start. Finally I joined a book club. It starts this Thursday! I am hopeful that I will meet new people and start enjoying my evenings.
What I have discovered so far is that surviving heartbreak is all about baby steps. Wake up, actually shower, do your hair, go for the walk, buy a few groceries. All those things that were easy become hard. So each step becomes significant and every day an accomplishment. Today is a huge accomplishment!