Fuck I miss my person

It hurts today. Actually that is not completely true. It hurts right now. I had an OK day, one that I was able to escape from him for longer periods. I had a friend(ish) type guy come and walk me to work this morning. I actually was able to focus on him for the majority of the walk and feel good about what we were talking about. I bought another dress at lunch and I only thought about how he would tell me I was beautiful in it once. I walked home from work and blasted Rhiannon on repeat and avoided all thoughts of him. I started book club with all these fun, intelligent women. I AM REALLY FUCKING TRYING! But the second I left book club all I wanted to do was call him and tell him about all the things I have been doing. He was nagging me about getting new tires for months and would have been thrilled I finally got around to doing it. He would love that I am walking to work. He would fake enthusiasm for my book club. I can hear all his responses and I really fucking miss him right now. Like my heart hurts. I still can't believe I never get to talk to him again or that he doesn't care how I am doing at all. How can he not be thinking of me??? I must have at the very least infected his day to day thoughts, but what about all those little things that he loved about me? Don't they hurt or jab him when little reminders pop up? Because I hear his best friends name and it hurts. I hear his birthday come up and it hurts. I walk past his favourite food place and I want to tell him. He was my person. I always called him that, and he used it too. And I recently lost my person, the person I tell everything to. The person who heard everything, the good , bad and the ugly. And now he never wants to know again. THAT FUCKING KILLS!